R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
