At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
