i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
