from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
