My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
