I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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