Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
