I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
