The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
