I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
