so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
