just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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