I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
