i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
