Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
