it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
