everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
