I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
