My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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