I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
