the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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