If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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