I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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