I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
