Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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