I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
