he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
