I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
