I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
