Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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