you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
