your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
