New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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