i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
