i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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