I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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