someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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