First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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