she smelled like a LAN party
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
