I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
