THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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