Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
