so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My vagina is officially offended.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
