I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
