i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
