you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
