the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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