I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
