why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
