sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
