i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
