so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
