hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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